Honeymoon Day 2 – 24/9/10

After checking in with Holland-America, we packed up, left our bags to be collected from our room and had breakfast in the hotel restaurant – the Daily Grill. I had scrambled eggs, sausage, breakfast potatoes and toast with coffee; J had fried eggs, bacon, breakfast potatoes and toast with orange juice. Excellent food, excellent service. Then we went for a walk around the block, saw the Space Needle in the distance again. Took photos. Went into Starbucks and used the free wifi! Returned to the Sheraton at 11.10, checked out and waited for our bus to Pier 91 and the MS Zaandam! The bus arrived at almost midday and we drove through downtown Seattle towards the port on the grayline buses again, with the driver pointing out points of interest and providing trivia about the city. We saw mountains in the distance – a little hazy, as well as the Holland-America head offices.

Arrived at Pier 91 about 12.30 and checked-in at the ship terminal, through security, had our photo taken, and then it was strolling out of the terminal and towards the ship! Amazing looking ship. Blue and white. Huge but not the largest in the fleet, stream-lined and elegant. The crew welcomed us aboard and showed us into lunch in the Lido Restaurant. Many restaurants and bars on board. This was a buffet lunch with all kinds of different food. Sadly we were still too full from breakfast and just had water! We met two other couples at lunch – older, both American. Sue and Bob from Alabama, and Sally and her husband. Not sure where they were from! At 1.30pm our rooms were announced to be ready. Our room was 1914, on Deck 1, the Dolphin Deck. There were banks of elevators, long corridors, and stewards and house-keeping staff everywhere. It all felt very luxurious and elegant. We found our room, with a huge king-size bad, very comfy, dressing table, sofa, armchair, table, TV, plus lots of storage. We'd chosen an outside stateroom, with a window right over our heads when laying in bed. There was announcement that a park ranger was due to give a talk at 2pm. We attempted to find it, but just strolled through the ship and explored. We took photos and see the Ocean Bar, the art gallery, the culinary centre, the atrium with the front desk and a huge spiral staircase leading up two floors. In the centre of the staircase is an absolutely amazing-looking organ. It looked like ivory and was carved, circular and winding up against the backdrop of the staircase.

We saw the Pinnacle Grill Restaurant – ever so fancy and the only restaurant that charges you extra. We had booked it for the Saturday night as it was Joe's birthday. Very good food, white linen, much more personal and intimate than the MDR. On one of the walls nearby are mounted three guitars, in lass cases, signed by members of the Rolling Stones, another by members of Queen, and the third by a variety of famous musicians, including David Bowie, Eric Clapton and B B King. On another wall are nine carved masks. This was a great introduction to the variety of musical instruments and music-related décor in the ship, as well as art in general. Everywhere is beautifully decorated – plush carpets, chairs and sofas, painting and huge plants. We then found the Monriaan Lounge, and caught the end of the park ranger's talk, then saw the Exploration Lounge, the Piano Bar, and the Ocean Bar. We were about to sit and have a drink in the Ocean Bar when the captain announced a lifeboat safety briefing in fifteen minutes time. So we headed for lifeboat number 10, to be told what to do if lifeboats are needed. When we embarked we were given ID cards, which we were to also use as room key cards. It also had our lifeboat number on them. No money is used on the ship, so everything is charged through an on-board account. The briefing is short and to the point – lifeboats are lowered and you get in, securing life jackets taken from your room, etc. To be honest, we're rather surprised at how short it is!

We set sail at 4pm, so go up on deck to see Seattle disappear from view. The sun comes out and the view is amazing, with the cityscape and mountains in the distance, the sunlight on the sea, seagulls overhead, and the trail of waves and vapour from the engines at the back at side of the ship. In dock we were surrounded by other boats but here we were into what seemed like open water. There was a hawaiian style bar set up on the outside bar at the back of the ship, with cocktails, wicker chairs and tables, and a woman playing guitar and singing. I had a Margarita, and we wondered around the side of the deck, taking photos and exploring further. Earlier we had gone to the promenade deck, where we can do a walkaround outside – on the level of passenger cabins, and just stand or sit and look out at the sea. Further up the deck levels, it was almost all bars! We went up the sports deck, where you could play tennis, ping-pong, shuffleboard, as well as visit the salon, spa or gym. Next, the sky bar, right at the top front of the ship. There was a band and a BBQ down in the inside Lido Bar, mid-level, with a pool and hot-tubs in the middle of the deck, and a band playing soft rock and easy listening. We went down there and Joe had a couple of beers and we both had some BBQ – a huge mix on offer of chicken, steak, kebabs, ribs, salads, baked potatoes, bread, and sauces. We tried the chicken and steak, and sat for a while, chatted and listened to the band play, before returning to our room and relax and unpack. I arranged to have my shoes shined – for free – ready for the formal night. And we found little chocolates set out on the foot of the bed. It's an extremely stylish, comfortable and elegant room and ship, and I still couldn't believe we were finally here! Very happy with our choice of honeymoon! It really feels like we're spoiling ourselves but it's worth it. A little bit of luxury. The service so far seems excellent and the little touches are lovely. Having so much fun already!

Honeymoon - Day 1: 23/9/10

J's dad drove us to Heathrow terminal five, for our flight leaving at 3.10pm. We're there by 11.15am but can't check in until 12.10pm. We waited around and then checked-in – try for an upgrade on the flight, to no avail. Instead we have middle seats in the middle of an aisle. Oh well! We used the BA check-in kiosk to quickly check-in and then loaded our luggage. Extremely quick and easy! We sailed through security and were in the departure lounge by 12.30ish. We wandered in WHSmith and Harrods Duty Free before heading down to the lower level and a quick bite in Weatherspoons. Boarded easily and fairly quickly, after travelling by 'transit' to the B gates – much like the Bank-Waterloo train. Randomly saw my dad's cousins on the flight! They saw us once we arrive in Seattle and are queuing for immigration. What are the chances! 9.5 hours later we arrived in Seattle. Local time was 4.35pm.

After a swift route through immigration and baggage claim we attempted to locate a Holland-America representative or bus, etc. Our trip included a transfer from the airport to the Seattle Sheraton hotel, but we didn't know the details of this transfer. We finally found a Holland-America desk outside the main airport terminal, but it was empty, and no-one else was waiting there. We continued to wait. Waited some more! Saw people on other cruise liners wondering where to go. Saw other people leave via minibus and cabs etc. Still no news. Someone mentioned grayline transporters were now departing from a different part of the airport. We went back inside and eventually saw a sign stating that transfers downtown via the grayline buses were in a particular area of the airport. We walked across to there and finally located a depot catering for grayline buses. We waited some more. We saw buses headed for the Holiday Inn, Comfort Inn, Hilton and Marriott, but no Sheraton. Finally I managed to ask a Marriott bus driver, who directed us further round the bus depot. Then we found another sign for grayline buses, including a mention of the Sheraton! Things were looking up! There was even a Holland-America representative. So we eventually got onto the correct bus and made our way to the hotel.

Drove through downtown Seattle in the early evening – lovely. Fun. Pointed out the Space Needle and other huge buildings, Starbucks and even HSBC. Pulled up at the hotel Very grand, very large. We were in room 1729, on the 17th floor out of 30! No floor 13, as often in the U.S. All modern, clean, shiny, gold, marble and fancy. Lobby, lounge, bar, restaurant, ballrooms, conference rooms! And all included in our cruise. Our room had two queen-sized double beds. We showered and relaxed, watched TV, read and chatted until about 9.30pm, when we went to sleep – it being 5.30am in the U.K. Managed a decent sleep and got up about 7.30am. We had to check-in at the Holland-America desk in the lobby at 8.30am.

The Final Lead-Up

It was a week to go! And a very strange week it was. With everything arranged, the seating plan finalised, the times and details of music, readings, table decorations and so on, all confirmed, and the remaining balances to suppliers paid, there was nothing much left to do but sit back and wait. J finished writing his speech, I practised walking in my sky-high heels, had a facial, printed off more information on things to see on our honeymoon, and packed. And waited some more! It was bizarre to think that everything was ready, all the build-up was over, no more research, arranging or discussion, and in a matter of mere days we would be man and wife!

As the wedding was on a Sunday, we both worked right up to the Friday before. So in amongst the lack of wedding-related jobs at home, there were plenty of day-job things to finish up before the three weeks that we would be off work after the wedding. Winding down, though, I was greeted with a desk decorated with balloons, confetti, and streamers on my last day; a lovely card and gift from my colleagues; and a fun lunch out with work friends. J was also presented with a thoughtful card, gift and well-wishes. I spent most of the Friday afternoon, evening and the following morning in a strange state of high adrenaline, nerves, excitement, joy and disbelief.

We travelled up to Cirencester on the Friday evening, to stay with J's parents. On the Saturday morning we picked up our cake from Marks & Spencer's, then went to a last, 'hand-over' meeting with the wedding co-ordinator and duty event manager for the day itself. We delivered the cake plus the table decorations and guest book, and went through step-by-step details of the day with the event manager and toast-master. This included finding out where we would be collected from to enter the hall, and where we would each meet with the Registrar prior to the wedding itself.

Following this meeting we took some much-needed time to ourselves and strolled the beautiful, wooded area of the hotel grounds, catching a breath and just being with each other. This, we felt, was very important. I certainly recommend this! And not only at the 11th hour, but at regular intervals during the lead-up to the big day. After all, this is why it's all happening! If you can't reconnect and remember why you're getting married, all the stress and chaos can carry you away. We had a lovely, relaxing couple of hours together before my parents, sister and aunt arrived, and J left to return to spend the night with his parents. My parents, sister, aunt and various other family members and family friends were all staying at the hotel with me on the Saturday night. J would be at his parents so that we would be spending the first night apart for over three years! We wanted to keep the tradition of spending the night before our wedding apart and not seeing each other on the day of the wedding, prior to the ceremony.

Myself, my parents and my sister checked in, unpacked and then all met up in the hotel bar for some food and a couple of drinks. It was a nice family evening, allowing everyone to catch up and wish me well for the following day. I actually expected to be more nervous than I was, but keeping an eye on everyone and making sure they were having fun meant I wasn't thinking too hard about the next day! It was only at one moment that it hit me hard, and I found my hands shaking as I was talking to my sister. Luckily that soon passed and I was more excited and happy than apprehensive!

And then it was an early night, in order to be up bright and early for hair, make-up and dressing for the big day!!

Hen Do's and Stag Nights

Hello All. Yes, it's been a while, and, as most of you are aware, J and I are now actually married. However, due to.. several reasons, this blog hasn't been updated for some time, so I'd like to catch up on some entries before we get to the day itself.

So, one important aspect of wedding preparation is the hen do and stag night. We had decided months ago that we would both have such celebrations, a few weeks prior to the big day. It seemed fairly obvious that it would be a bad idea to have hen and stag do's on the night before the wedding itself. Nothing worse than being hungover on your own wedding day!

J managed to arrange his stag night for August Bank Holiday weekend, and passed the job over to his brother, as best man, to finalise the details. Not being one for clubbing, strip joints, weekends in Amsterdam or even Bournemouth, J wanted a low-key yet fun evening with close family and friends. Luckily his brother respected that and no embarrassment took place - no tying to lamp-posts or dressing up in hilarious outfits. Instead, as far as I can gather, there was food, drink, music and a few laughs. He enjoyed the chance to connect and celebrate with his dad, brother, close friends, cousins and uncles, and even his future father-in-law! Myself, I was happy he had a fun night and acknowledged the ritual of male bonding! A last night of freedom indeed!

Of course, I can talk much more about my own celebration. Again, I set up the day and handed over the fine print to my so-called 'bubble of honour', my sister. Again, I didn't want anything too elaborate, or expensive. So I'd booked a function room in a pub. And for weeks before, friends teased me about embarrassing games, and my sister informed me she had organised something for the afternoon. I become equal parts excited and nervous!

It was a lovely day, of course. A wonderful mix of old and new friends, plus some family members, with whom I had a great laugh, good fun, and celebrated my over-all 'hen'-ness! It was rather embarrassing to be made to wear flashing bunny ears and a pink sash, but I survived. There then commenced a treasure hunt around Brighton, searching for all things wedding, hen and Brighton-related, including the need for photographic proof. Also including a visit to an erotica store, where we really couldn't contain our giggles!

Afterwards, we indulged in ice-cream, then onwards to the pub, for food, champagne, gossip, and then more fun and games. There was a Mr & Mrs style quiz, where I had to answer questions with the same answer J gave. I think I did pretty well, except for not remembering what would be the first thing he'd buy if he won the lottery! There were prizes for the winners of the treasure hunt, nostalgic stories, and of course, I had to make everyone take turns in wearing the bunny ears. Plus, plenty of alcohol!

In conclusion, I feel flattered to have been surrounded by such good family and friends, for them to have indulged me and celebrated with me. The memories of my hen do will stay with me for ever, just as the memories of my wedding day itself will. And thank you again to my sister for organising a unique and entertaining day, and for being a wonderful sister and maid of honour.

Even though neither J nor myself went too elaborate with our hen and stag do's, they were suitable for us, allowed us to spend time with people special to us, and to prepare for a change in our life in a fun way. As a ritual, as well as a chance for a good night out, I feel this is an important element of wedding preparation.

And then, it was only a matter of weeks until the big day...

Four weeks and counting!

It's been another month since my last update - sorry folks - so here's another quick update, finally! It's only four weeks to the big day and we can't believe how quickly the time has gone.

The dress was collected yesterday, and I now am in possession of the highest heeled shoes I have ever owned. Table plans are finalised, order of service planned, hair and make-up trialled, and hen and stag do's organised. The cake is ordered and the table decorations sitting in a pile of boxes in the bedroom. I have even arranged to change my name by deed-poll, as I will be double-barrelled.

So now, so long as nothing goes wrong, we can sit back, look forward to the big day and begin to get excited!

Here comes the... groom?!

It's almost too easy to forget about the groom when planning a wedding. Practically by default, the bride becomes the centre of attention. It's usually her dream, her big day - the big dress, the flowers, the lovely venue. But let's not forget about the poor groom. It is his big day, too. I have noticed as I attempt to find my way through this strange land of wedding preparation that I'm the one who gets asked how the plans are progressing, I'm the one all the wedding magazines and websites are aimed at. The amount of pages devoted to the groom is very slim. And it's a real shame. Traditionally, it's true, the groom might just sit back and let his beautiful wife to be organise everything, with his job being just to turn up to the church on time. But more and more often today you do find couples planning their wedding together, especially if they are paying for it themselves or are already living together.

I know I'm lucky that J is just as excited about our big day as I am, and he was very involved in the initial planning and research stage. He still is involved with the details and final preparations, although admittedly I am taking more responsibility. Probably because, as stated earlier, the groom is hardly mentioned. But I am endeavouring to keep J as included as possible, and he is glad of that. If I tend to over-do the organising and a hint of bridzilla-ness appears, he can pull me back, and then I can pass certain tasks over to him.

To me, the pinnacle of the down-playing of the groom is the attitude towards the outfits the happy couple wears. The bride will spend months searching for the perfect dress, choosing the right accessories, shoes, hair and make-up. There are fittings and further fittings, and a fortune is spent on an outfit that will only be worn once.

The groom, on the other hand, has to go to a good department store a few weeks before the wedding and order a suit. To hire. That then gets returned. The only decision might be the colour - black or grey, and the exact style - morning suit or not?

J, never one to just run with the crowd, has decided to put his own outfit together. He has therefore found a gorgeous Regency-style jacket and purple waistcoat (to match our colour scheme), and has bought trousers and a shirt he will wear again. In fact, he will likely wear the jacket and/or waistcoat again, perhaps on our honeymoon. It's original, it's flattering, it's very J, and he will have it for years to come. He will stand out on our big day as much as I will, he will hopefully feel somewhat special and unique, and the photographs should look brilliant!

Until next time...

Your presence is required...

A quick update this time.

The wedding invitations went out a couple of weeks ago, and now we are having fun awaiting all the replies. It's a funny in-between time. Although there's still plenty to do, there's not much to be done at the moment. Details of the day will be confirmed with the venue at the end of June, then monies to be paid and dresses to be collected, the table plan to be tweaked, and speeches to be written.

Meanwhile, we wait. We're loving seeing the acceptances come in, and are sad to say that some people we wish could attend, unfortunately can't. The invitations look wonderful - elegant and stylish, roughly designed by myself and produced and printed by my talented, artistic sister, using a photograph she took years ago. I'm incredibly happy with how they turned out. We've also received our first wedding card. Very exciting!

Until next time...

The Ring's The Thing

This weekend we went to collect my wedding ring from the jewellers. Yes, my ring. Not our rings. Because, unusually, J wanted his own engagement ring when we first got engaged. And I was more than happy to buy one for him. Previously to popping the question, we'd talked in vague terms about getting married, engagement, and looked at rings in shop windows. J had an idea of the sort of ring I'd like and dislike, and that was about it. He chose wisely, though, and my engagement ring is a very pretty white gold ring with two small diamonds and a slightly unusual twist to the band. It's very me.

When it came to J's engagement ring, we went and chose it together. He had already seen a couple of rings he liked, and wanted my opinion before we made a final decision together. The end result was a wide titanium band with a thin band of white gold running through the middle. Very stylish, and very J. It's original, slightly geeky and very strong (they couldn't adjust the metal but had to order one in his size especially).

Although I loved my engagement ring on sight and wanted to wear it immediately (I couldn't, it was too small!) it did take me some time to get used to wearing it. Now, I have my wedding ring waiting to be worn, and this, I feel, will take even longer to get used to, with all it's symbolism, and the fact that this is my wedding ring and what I shall wear for the rest of my life. With all that in mind, the idea of it is somewhat daunting. In addition, I wanted something that matches my personality, and that also matched J and I as a couple. I feel that we already have that in our engagement rings, and for many people, it seems, the engagement ring, although technically the less important, is the more expensive, flashy one. The one everyone notices.

I wanted to be slightly different, though. For a start, I don't wear yellow gold, usually silver. Therefore the traditional choice of a yellow gold band was out. We then made the decision that J would use his engagement ring as his wedding ring, as it is such a lovely ring and suits him so well that I wouldn't want him not to wear it anymore. But, being a rather wide band, there would be no space for that and a wedding band. So it would become the wedding band. I myself am very keen on the style of the titanium band, but it was rather wide. Would I be able to have something similar for myself, or would I have to opt for a white gold band?

In the end, as is often the case, the decision and logistics were amazingly easy. We inquired in the jewellers where we had bought J's ring, as to whether they made a thinner, women's version. In fact, they could just take the existing men's ring and order it to be made in a thinner, smaller size.

Four weeks later, I have an exact match for J's ring, only thinner and more feminine. All of the detail is still there, and it is much more interesting to me than a plain gold band. In addition, the two wedding rings now match. It's interesting how much thought can go into such things, and what your choices can say about you to other people. The range of engagement rings is immense, and the choice of wedding rings is now also growing. I know I've made the right choice, though, and I'm looking forward to being able to wear both rings together in three and a half months time, and get used to the feel of a wedding ring on my finger!


Until next time...

All the small things...

Coming up to the four-month mark, we now seem rather bogged down by all the small details. I'm not necessarily complaining, but I'm beginning to realise now just how much detail and organisation goes into a large wedding - and that's with the venue arranging much of it! The to-do lists get bigger, the pile of wedding magazines grow and then comes the time when you start waking up at 3am with a mental note to email or phone so-and-so, or the fact that a certain cousin has been left off the invite list! And, yes, this is with four months still to go. My admiration for anyone able to arrange a wedding within three to six months - start to finish - just grows and grows.

So, the table plans are roughed out, the invitations about to be sent, the dress and shoes bought, hair and make-up considered, flowers and music decided about, the ceremony details roughly arranged with registrar, and even the ring is on order. It really is down to the details, confirmations, crossing the t's and dotting the i's. As long as our guests turn up...

J has taken to calling me a bridezilla, and although I disagree, I can see myself getting carried away and I can, perhaps more worryingly, see how brides can get to the point of monstrosity. When it's all about the details, all the big decisions have been made, it's easy to focus on the somewhat inconsequential and begin to stop seeing the wood for the trees. The flowers have to be that exact shade, the shoes have to have that exact size heel, the table plan can't allow that aunt next to that cousin, the wording on the invitations and menu cards has to be formal yet warm... The list is almost endless.

And yet.

And yet details are important. Details are what make a whole, what make up life, and certainly can make the difference between a perfect day and just a lovely day. As a writer, and particularly as a poet, I recognise the importance of choice and detail - the change of just one word can change a whole poem. But that's not to say that the day, or poem, will be destroyed if one thing is not exactly as originally imagined. And in the end, the whole is more than the sum of it's parts, and the devil is in the details!!

All the Fun of the Fayre

Wedding fayres. To attend or not to attend, that is the question. Much like the over-concentration of wedding/bridal magazines in the shops, there appears to be an overwhelming number of wedding fayres and shows taking place for the curious bride and groom to attend. But how useful are they?

Attending a wedding fayre can seem somewhat like entering Wonderland through the rabbit hole. It's another world - outfits, cars, flowers, cake, music, venues. If you're just starting to think about your wedding, you begin to realise just how much there is to decide and organise. If you're further along, you can see how varied and large your options on cake, flowers, outfits, cars and music can be. You stand there in the middle of it all, trying to take it all in and work out where to start, feeling special and the centre of attention as the bride and groom. But then what?

Well, I would suggest, just one thing at a time, and don't start thinking too hard about it all until you've been to every stall, picked up the leaflets and brochures, eaten the samples, and can take a breath. Then you can look through all you've gathered and start to make some mental notes about what may or may not be useful.

I've attended two wedding fayres now; one with J and one with some friends. Both were fun, and informative to an extent. However, I'm still not entirely sure just how useful they were. The first, at the Brighton Hilton, included a fashion show, plenty of samples of wedding cakes, flower and car displays. In fact, I did like the dresses displayed by one bridal shop so much that they are who I've ordered my dress from. The rest added up to a fun afternoon, together with a little bit of food for thought and some ideas to take home. The second, at the Brighton Pavilion, showed off the Pavilion as a wedding venue, included examples of music and flower displays, but was ultimately a little disappointing. I was expecting a larger number of exhibitors, more use of the space available.

I think wedding fayres - like wedding magazines - can be useful and interesting. But don't begin to think that they are all there is to organising a wedding - you don't have to have what they're offering and you don't have to be swept along by all the offers and packages available. Definitely have fun and pick up ideas and information, but at the end of the day, the wedding is about you. The day is yours, and your wedding should be exactly what you want - both of you - no more, no less. It is too easy to get carried away, get stressed out, worry endlessly about the exact shade of the flowers or the bridesmaids dresses, and, in short, turn into a complete 'bridezilla'! But while a wedding should be the best day of your life, don't forget that it is about the two of you, your love and commitment to one another.


Until next time...

'If Music be the Food of Love...'

As the Shakespearian quote above states, there is a long-acknowledged relationship between romance and music. Nowhere is this more clear than with the issue of the wedding first dance. Bridal magazines are full of suggestions for what music to use for your big day, how it can fit in with your theme or venue, and lists of the most popular songs for first dances.

Music is almost as important an accompaniment to the big day as the food and flowers, and the choice of music for your reception entertainment and for the ceremony itself is also a huge decision. On YouTube you can find examples of choreographed walks down the aisle, and in every wedding magazine and website there are lists of musicians, singers, DJs, bands, string quartets, trios, pianists, and harpists. You can go for the traditional "Here Comes the Bride" or "Wedding March", or an elegant classical piece by Mozart or Chopin.

There are companies specialising in dance classes and workshops especially for that all-important dance as husband and wife. You can choose a classic, romantic song such as "Your Song", "The Way You Look Tonight" or "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing'. Or, as a friend of mine did, dance to a fun salsa piece. Then there are those couples who opt for a more contemporary feel, with a dance or R 'n' B song. Or a glitzy, choreographed number.

Thinking about the choice of music reminds me once again of my initial thoughts on the links between weddings and writing. You have all the 'characters' or elements, the research and planning, and the editing. The bringing it all together; the theme; the genre. And music is a big part of bringing it all together and creating an atmosphere and theme. There seems to be parts of organising a wedding that compare to writing a novel - the research and planning, the tweaking and editing. But then there are many elements that remind me of writing poetry - the importance of finding that perfect word or image, and how the whole is more than the sum of its parts. The overall concept and image just works if each element is perfect. You can search around and try out different words and images - or different dresses, flower and music ideas, but when it fits, it just fits.

Personally, J and I have opted for simple elegance as a general theme for our big day, and as part of that we have chosen a string quartet for our ceremony and reception and a DJ for the evening entertainment. A mixture of classic romance and fun. Hopefully a variety of tunes, enjoyable for everyone. As we are not having a church wedding, the option of organ music was out, but the stylish yet elegant setting of our Victorian hotel allows for classical music. I will not be walking down the aisle to the "Wedding March" or 'Here Comes the Bride", wanting instead a classical piece that is graceful and light. And as for our first dance - I'll just keep that a surprise for now!

Until next time...

The question of 'I Do'

Apologies for the long delay between posts, people!

So, here we are in 2010, and I have less than 8 months until I'm a married woman. That started me thinking once again about the whys, ways and means of undertaking such a big commitment. Romantic ideals, as put forward by Hollywood rom-coms and chick-lit still propose that the goal of a relationship is marriage, and that a man putting that ring on her finger is all a woman needs to make her life complete. On several levels, this was once true. In the past, when men worked and women stayed at home to run the household and raise a family, a woman needed the security of a husband who could provide for her. To be unwed past a certain age also often meant social disregard for a woman, and scorn poured on her and her family. In addition, the legal benefits of marriage were great, and religious and social norms proscribed that children were born in wedlock.

In today's society, of course, there is a lot more freedom. Women have their own money, homes, social freedom and security. It is much more common for children to be born to unmarried parents and for couples to live together without marriage. There are still legal benefits, but even that is changing to reflect the complexity of today's society and the various links that are forged between people.

So, the question remains. Why do so many of us still get married? For us, it is the opportunity to commit to each other, in front of family and friends, and to be, to an extent, traditional. But many of my friends are married couples who have never actually gone through a marriage ceremony. They have children together, a mortgage, and are as committed to each other as any other married couple. Then there are those who claim they will never marry, and make jokes every time family or friends bring the subject up. Again, they are couples sharing a home and very much in love.

Thirdly, there are those who are in same-sex relationships. Some of them have, or are planning to enter into, a civil partnership, essentially getting married. But others claim they won't do this until their marriage is seen and performed in exactly the same way as heterosexual couples.

And, then, if you do decide to get married, the options are almost endless as to how to proceed. This is where you really need to communicate with your partner, to think hard about what it is you really want and who you really are. Hopefully you will do this only once in your life and it has to be what you both want, and not what families want or what you think you should want. Obviously, compromises should be made and opinions gathered, but make sure you yourself, and your partner of course, are happy.

Do you go for a big religious wedding? A small family affair? A modern registry office ceremony? Perhaps you can combine various religious elements, or have blessings in a church or synagogue after a civil ceremony? What about a pagan wedding, or taking your vows on the beach, under water, or sky-diving?

Then there are the vows - traditional? Religious? Modern? Taken from a book or poetry and readings? Written yourself?

There's so much to think about, and J and I are in the midst of that right now. Some things are settled. Some are almost settled, and others are still up in the air. It's fun. It's exciting. It's stressful, but it's interesting. Now, where did I put that book of wedding readings...?!

Image is Everything?

Wedding days often mean that everything has to be just right. The right music, the most perfect-colour flowers, delicious food, the guests all behaving themselves, perfect weather, rings not mislaid, and a groom and/or best man not hung over from the stag do. Most of all, it means a bride who can stand there at the altar in 'The Dress', make-up flawless, hair effortlessly styled, and, above all, looking as slim and beautiful as she has ever looked.

They say that a bride always looks lovely, but it certainly takes some work! With all the magazines, from Cosmo to Perfect Bride, telling us what's in and out of style and how to plan the perfect day, together with OK and Hello full of celebrities showing us how it's done, it's easy for a bride to feel inadequate. Now, I have The Dress, the venue is secured, a string quartet booked, and the days are beginning to speed ever closer to the big day.

With this in mind, but not purely for the sake of the wedding, I have begun using the Nintendo Wii Fit, and have actually lost over a stone during the past few months. Not that I believe that women have to be thin to be attractive, but that is the media-produced ideal in our society, and hard to fight. That being said, I know I could be a lot healthier and fitter, with losing weight being a large part of this, and so far, so good.

I recently published an article on the benefits and enjoyment of using the Wii Fit system. These include the lack of embarrassment and money spent on joining a gym, the ability to exercise in your own time in your own home, and the fun of competing against yourself, your partner, or your friends for higher and higher scores on each exercise-related 'game'. There is a varied mixture of aerobics, muscle toning, balance exercises, and yoga, together with a body test that measures posture, BMI and weight using the 'balance board'. It really is fun and good for you at the same time.

So, I'm not saying that I'm about to buy into the media and celebrity-created ideal of exactly what a bride should look like, but I do know I'd like to look my best on what will be one of the most important days of my life, so I'm sticking to the Wii Fit, and the diet, and come next September I just hope the photos show a welcome truth to all my hard work!

In-laws and Outlaws

This week we have had my future in-laws stay with us. I should start by saying that they are lovely people and we get on very well - I'm very lucky. Families are part of what make us who we are, for good or for bad, and I've noticed as I've grown older how much I take after my own parents, what I've gained from my upbringing. In turn, I've also noticed the similarities and differences between J and his parents. They've helped make him into the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. But, of course, he is also his own person. Just as I am.

In-laws are part of marriage; there is no escaping that, and from mother-in-law jokes to the films 'Father of the Bride' and 'Monster-in-Law', the stereotypes are deep within our culture. Parents and parents-in-law become characters larger than life around the time of weddings, much like the bride herself, and to a lesser extent, the groom. If the happy couple are the stars of the show, the parents of each are surely the supporting cast with their own moment in the spotlight.

They say that mothers and daughters can find themselves at odds during wedding arrangements, and I think that will have to be the topic of another blog post altogether! The potential tension with in-laws, and especially the initial meeting, is another thing completely. I had never been introduced to a boyfriend's family before J's and when I first met his parents I had no idea what to say; but they welcomed me, put me at ease and soon I felt part of the family. We had tea, and dinner with his brother and his brother's fiancee. We wandered around the town they lived in, which was new to me, the local park-grounds and old Roman ruins. A few weeks later I attended J's brother's wedding, where I met his extended family. It was a really beautiful occasion. I enjoyed myself immensely, and felt J's family to be lovely people, an opinion which I still hold!

J had already met my sister a few times, as we were first introduced through her partner. To help out, the two of them also came to visit when I introduced J to my parents. Fortunately this meeting also went very well. Everyone was trying their best to be welcoming and friendly, and after sharing a bottle of wine and a tasty meal, the ice was well and truly broken.

Realising how unprepared both J and I had been for these meetings, though, but also acknowledging how lucky we both were to love each other's families, we knew that one day the in-laws would also have to meet each other. As they live several hours journey from each other, and from us, this occasion didn't present itself until sometime after we got engaged. In contradiction to previous family meetings, we attempted to plan this one. Preparing each other's parents with stories of the other, making sure they had things to talk about and do, even some space when necessary. Eventually we were able to pick a suitable weekend for J's parents to stay at my parents' house. However, we soon realised that this was real life, not a work of fiction, and there was no way to script and plan how the weekend would pan out! After some awkward small talk and everyone on their best behaviour, we all started to relax and a pleasant time was had by all.

Just another aspect of my new life I'm beginning to get used to as a soon-to-be-married woman! Extended families, parents and siblings-in-law, and adopted grandmothers and great-aunts! Both J and I are very lucky to have caring, close families, and I know how much I love and am grateful for my own family, especially my parents, in this somewhat stressing and manic time, despite disagreements! So, I would welcome my in-laws to stay anytime, but it is nice to have our home to ourselves again!

Until next time.

It's all about "The Dress"

The Dress. Capital 'T', capital 'D'. Thanks to films such as "Four Weddings and a Funeral" and celebrity magazines such as OK and Hello, weddings seem to have developed a fashion show element, and the star of that show is "The Dress". Styles, colours, length, train or no train, beading or not, lace or not, strapless or not. Sleeves, fishtail, A-line, ballgown... The list is endless, and the choice incredible. Do you go for a huge princess pile of fluff and floof? Or a simple Grecian dress? Or a slinky fishtail shift? And then there's colours: White, ivory, or red...

Gone, it seems, are the days of the traditional white wedding and with it, the traditional fluffy white dress. The scene in "Four Weddings..." where Andie McDowell tries on dress after dress after dress, may be exaggerated, but not by much. Once we had decided on a day and started searching for a venue, I also started searching for "The Dress". And everyone wanted to know what I'd found!

"The Dress" was definitely beginning to become the star of the show. J and I even attended a Wedding Fair that included a fashion show and although I was only particularly keen on one supplier, it was a place to start. And there was no denying that all the dresses were beautiful even if not all of them were my cup of tea.

I surfed the local bridal shop websites, I flicked through wedding magazines and in the end, I could tell you what I didn't like, but I couldn't tell you what I did like! I'd heard that when you find "The Dress", you just know. However, I was sceptical. The idea of "The Dress" was gaining a life of its own.

Sometime afterwards, I made my first appointment with a bridal shop - the one I'd liked at the Wedding Fair. With my sister - bridesmaid to be - in tow, I tried on my first wedding dress. It was extremely surreal but once I was able to convince myself that the woman in the mirror wearing a wedding dress was really me, I started to enjoy myself. It was a lot of fun, and the shop assistants were helpful and patient. I tried on several, liking some, disliking others. And then it happened. It clicked! Looking in the mirror I didn't look like I was playing dress-up, I looked, and felt, like a bride! Perhaps I'd found My Dress?

Playing it safe, I visited other shops and tried other dresses, but eventually returned to the one I'd loved so much. So, yes, I have now chosen "The Dress". And yes, when I saw it, I just knew it was the one for me. And I hope "The Dress" will enjoy its moment in the spotlight, and I hope that J will love it as I do.

It was easy to get overwhelmed, and to over-think. I'm the first to admit I do the second much too often. Gut instinct finally prevailed, and things just clicked. They continue to click with the venue, the music, and ideas about the flowers. Research is key (and more on that another time) but instinct should definitely not be ignored. And I would propose that the same applies to fiction - both reading and writing. Some of the best new writing I've read, and some of the most fun and interesting pieces I've written myself, have been a result of just going with my gut instinct. When it's right, it's right. It's when the plot clicks. When characters start talking to you. It's the word you've been struggling with in a poem that works despite itself. It's the book with the intriguing title or cover by an author you've never heard of. It's when you suddenly find "The Dress" is one you never even thought to look at, and your life is richer for it.

Until next time...

So, We Just Got Engaged...

Ok, so technically I live in Hove, not Brighton and this will be more of a collection of random thoughts than a straight-forward diary but I am getting married. Next September. Yes, this time next year I shall be a Mrs. However many times I say it, it still hasn't become any less unreal or strange. Strange, yes, but very exciting. And as I'm also a writer, here I shall be attemping to blog on both themes near to my heart and the bizarre, but hopefully interesting, links between my two worlds.

We got engaged in August 2008 when J proposed to me on my 30th birthday. To say I'm not a girly-girl is rather an understatement, and while I may be sitting here with pink nail vanish on I still have trouble putting eyeshadow on! What I mean to say is, I am not one of those girls who knew from childhood what they wanted from their wedding day. Even when J and I moved in together and started talking about eventual marriage, it didn't go any further than knowing I wanted a white gold engagement ring!

But a white gold engagement ring I got. I was presented with a surprise weekend in London, tickets to see the musical Wicked and tickets for the London Eye by both J, and my sister. When we reached the top of the Eye, J dropped to one knee and stated that he had one more surprise for me before pulling the perfect ring from his pocket. White gold with two diamonds.

After that, it was all anyone wanted to talk about, myself included, as I slowly began to turn into a giggly, girly, wedding obsessed bride-to-be. And it only got worse as we finally set a date and venue. As a friend of mine said, "it's Bridezilla!" But I plan to return to this in a later blog entry.

For now, I want to talk about the limbo land of engagement. It's exciting but once everyone's seen the ring and heard the story of the proposal, it all dies down. Unless you plan to immediately, well, plan for the big day itself. We didn't; had no ideas at all to begin with. So, we got engaged, and I've loved being engaged! For several months we coasted along all 'loved-up', as another friend says, allowing our imaginations to start running riot without the realistic logistics of budget, timings, and trying to please as many people as possible.

It's like the early days of a planning or writing (or even reading) a book, or a poem, or even a film, where as a writer or reader/viewer anything is possible and you can get swept along on a wave of possibility and creativity. Anything can happen and you can make it so. Then there's the research and the headaches and the time-lines and the way that background doesn't fit with that character. And that is all part of the process, and important, and also fun. But it's nothing without the initial spark of fire, the little voice in your head that says 'yes, this is good, and this is mine, and this is why I create'.

So, keep those moments alive people, enjoy them and then work hard to see them become real!

Until next time...