In-laws and Outlaws

This week we have had my future in-laws stay with us. I should start by saying that they are lovely people and we get on very well - I'm very lucky. Families are part of what make us who we are, for good or for bad, and I've noticed as I've grown older how much I take after my own parents, what I've gained from my upbringing. In turn, I've also noticed the similarities and differences between J and his parents. They've helped make him into the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. But, of course, he is also his own person. Just as I am.

In-laws are part of marriage; there is no escaping that, and from mother-in-law jokes to the films 'Father of the Bride' and 'Monster-in-Law', the stereotypes are deep within our culture. Parents and parents-in-law become characters larger than life around the time of weddings, much like the bride herself, and to a lesser extent, the groom. If the happy couple are the stars of the show, the parents of each are surely the supporting cast with their own moment in the spotlight.

They say that mothers and daughters can find themselves at odds during wedding arrangements, and I think that will have to be the topic of another blog post altogether! The potential tension with in-laws, and especially the initial meeting, is another thing completely. I had never been introduced to a boyfriend's family before J's and when I first met his parents I had no idea what to say; but they welcomed me, put me at ease and soon I felt part of the family. We had tea, and dinner with his brother and his brother's fiancee. We wandered around the town they lived in, which was new to me, the local park-grounds and old Roman ruins. A few weeks later I attended J's brother's wedding, where I met his extended family. It was a really beautiful occasion. I enjoyed myself immensely, and felt J's family to be lovely people, an opinion which I still hold!

J had already met my sister a few times, as we were first introduced through her partner. To help out, the two of them also came to visit when I introduced J to my parents. Fortunately this meeting also went very well. Everyone was trying their best to be welcoming and friendly, and after sharing a bottle of wine and a tasty meal, the ice was well and truly broken.

Realising how unprepared both J and I had been for these meetings, though, but also acknowledging how lucky we both were to love each other's families, we knew that one day the in-laws would also have to meet each other. As they live several hours journey from each other, and from us, this occasion didn't present itself until sometime after we got engaged. In contradiction to previous family meetings, we attempted to plan this one. Preparing each other's parents with stories of the other, making sure they had things to talk about and do, even some space when necessary. Eventually we were able to pick a suitable weekend for J's parents to stay at my parents' house. However, we soon realised that this was real life, not a work of fiction, and there was no way to script and plan how the weekend would pan out! After some awkward small talk and everyone on their best behaviour, we all started to relax and a pleasant time was had by all.

Just another aspect of my new life I'm beginning to get used to as a soon-to-be-married woman! Extended families, parents and siblings-in-law, and adopted grandmothers and great-aunts! Both J and I are very lucky to have caring, close families, and I know how much I love and am grateful for my own family, especially my parents, in this somewhat stressing and manic time, despite disagreements! So, I would welcome my in-laws to stay anytime, but it is nice to have our home to ourselves again!

Until next time.